How to NOT feel like a victim or have a victim mentality when growing your business
People come into this space and they look at everything involved and they say things like, “I’m Confused” or “I’m overwhelmed” but they would never say that to a boss.
If your boss came in and said, “Here’s a big fat manual” or assigned some online training and said you need to sit down every day for a week and learn this, you wouldn’t think anything of it. If you have ever worked as a cashier, you went through training and you learned how to ring sales and when you were good enough, they put you on the sales floor.
When I worked in a big department store in jewelry, I had both, a big fat manual with all the different sections I needed to learn and I had a lot of online training I had to master as well.
I had to learn the different terminology for the parts of the jewelry; the 4 C’s of diamonds–Cut, Color, Clarity, and Carat weight. I had to learn how to adjust watch bands and change the batteries, and I couldn’t sell diamonds until I had completed all the extra diamond training. So I had to go through a massive amount of training in order to assume my position.
When we get into this arena, we have to go through the same thing.
Whether it’s from our company on how to grow the business, or some basic product information, or learning marketing or whatever it is we need to learn, we have to sit down and train.
But most people don’t sit down and take that week and get it under their belt because of this pervasive thing going on in their head, and that’s the victim mentality.
You must train yourself to recognize when these words come out of your mouth or even are just inside your head. You need to not only recognize them but deal with them, because they are always going to be there or try to come back once you’ve dealt with them.
Watch Out for words like these:
- “Nobody will help me.”
- “I can’t figure this out.”
- “This is crazy.”
- “Everybody helps everyone else but me.”
- “All the big guys stick together and they make all the money.”
These and similar phrases are representations of the victim mentality that we go into.
Right now I’m in a HUGE opportunity to slide into a victim state or mentality that doesn’t even involve our business but my healthcare. I’m already on disability and because of that I’m supposed to be on a different plan than I am and it looked like I was not going to have any health care for 6 months, starting in a few weeks. Normally that wouldn’t concern me; we’ve been without healthcare for years on end sometimes (just used a lot of supplements from our company to stay healthy so we didn’t need to go to doctors) but right now I have a fracture in my knee and have to be extremely careful to let it heal so I won’t need surgery on it, but guess what–yep, lots of follow up appointments and physical therapy and I can’t let it wait for 6 months.
So… I was sliding rapidly into a victim mentality…
- “Nobody told me”
- “Why didn’t they tell me I was supposed to switch when I called them”
- “Poor me, now I’m going to be crippled the rest of my life”
I had to stand up (yes I can with a leg brace and a walker) and tell myself to knock it off. There is a solution and I found it. I’ll tell you more about how to do that later, but I decided to leave the victim mentality behind and just move on, and now I have even more motivation to become a success with our business. And I know I can. All the tools and training are there. I have decided I am being selfish to not share what I have and know with others. We’ve been getting paid every month for what we have already shared and built up, so now its time to step it up.
This might offend someone, but I’m going to use a term that I feel like I’ve become and no longer want to be and that is a leech. Yes, in my victim state I have become a leech off the government, and therefore, off other people. I know most people in my position are there legitimately and I’m not putting anyone down, but I know that I can still do something about it, and I am. I know I can build it even more by helping more people so we will earn more and I won’t need to rely on others.
Having a victim mentality can also cross over into personal relationships. Saying things like:
- “My wife is always on facebook and doesn’t have time for me”
- “My husband is always watching football and doesn’t do anything with me anymore”
Or your finances and health:
- “They tricked me into getting all these credit cards and now I can’t get out of debt”
- “I gained all this weight because they told me to eat these foods and and that was wrong and now I’m fat”
Sitting around all day sucking your thumb and blaming everyone but yourself for your circumstances is not going to help you.
May I splash a little cold water in your face to wake you up?
- Ok, so you’re broke.
- Ok, so you’re fat.
- Ok, so you’re lonely.
- Ok, so your car is on its last legs and you don’t have a way to replace it.
- Ok, so your house needs massive repairs because it wasn’t maintained properly.
Ask yourself this great line from Randy Gage: “Who was at the scene of every crime?” In other words, who signed that mortgage that overextended you? Who charged up those credit cards that made you broke? Who ate another pint of ice cream? (Or chocolate covered peanuts). Who neglected the relationships with the people you love so now they don’t want to spend time with you.
Kinda reminds me of the Harry Chapin song, The Cat’s in the Cradle. Here it is if you’ve never heard it.
Or Who didn’t take care of the house so now it’s falling apart?
Yes, WHO was there? Who is you! You were there….
You and I were there for all the circumstances of our lives. We lived it and where we are now is through our own thoughts and actions. So you see, giving up the victim mentality is very powerful if you take on the responsibility of the outcome.
Now my husband and I are at a place in our business where we are making money consistently every month, but now its time to move up and earn more and I know we can.
No matter what level you are at, you always have to be on guard because that little victim inside of us will always rise up:
- “It’s not fair that they don’t ask me to do the presentation at the meeting”
This victim mentality, when you allow it will keep you from going where you want to go, will rear its ugly head whenever you are faced with a new challenge; a new level you want to get to.
Train your mind to handle the victim mentality
Everyone has to deal with it. Everyone feels a little inferior. Everyone feels a little like they should be paid more attention to. Or maybe they’ve had a time when they’ve made a ton of money and had massive success and for whatever reason, it went away.
So what do you do when that voice comes up in you? Talk to the voice, just like Fran Drescher in the movie, Beautician and the Beast (one of my kids’ favorite movies when they were growing up). You’re stating, “I’m not listening to you so talk to the hand.”
When the voice goes into why you’re the victim, talk to it.
Ask it Questions. When you ask a person who is in the victim or ‘poor me’ state, they generally back themselves into a corner.
When someone is legitimately a victim of something happening to them (a crime; being assaulted, etc.) they will typically deal with it in one of two ways. They may spend the rest of their life talking about what happened to them and why they can’t move forward because of it so they stay a victim. Or they find power in the incident and they use it to catapult them out of it.
Think of the mom who started Mothers Against Drunk Drivers because of what happened to her child or the dad who started the TV show to catch criminals because of what happened to his son.
If you’ve ever read Dicken’s Great Expectations, the lady who spent the rest of her life stuck in her wedding day because the groom never showed up is the ultimate victim and example of what NOT to do.
Working with someone who has a victim mentality
As you work with people in your business, when someone is in that victim mode, ask them questions, they will get backed into a corner. Sooner or later they either have to find the power inside themselves and burst out of it and move on or they have to lie down and roll up into the fetal position and refuse to move on.
So a victim gets pushed into a corner with questions and if they want to work on it, at some point they decide to move on and get past it or they just decide to let that rule their lives.
When you feel the victim rising up inside of you, and it will, ask it questions. For example, when it says something like, “I can’t make money because no one will help me because I don’t belong to their clique.” Any “I can’t because” statement would fit this category.
Ask it: “What if you wanted to succeed without them, how would you do it?” The answers will start to come to you.
When it says, “I’m so broke, I don’t have any money to do my business.” Ask this: “If I have no money, what are some other ways I can do it?”
The more whiny the victim gets, the more questions you need to ask. Force it to put up or shut up.
This will take time and practice, and maybe even tears, but aren’t you worth it? Isn’t your family and future worth it?
For most of us, the victim language is pervasive. The words that come out of your mouth are determining your outcomes. Become very aware when you slip into victim talk. What you allow to come out of your mouth goes into your subconscious mind, so you need to learn to speak your world into existence.
You don’t want to be delusional but you want to get to a point where you’re speaking your would into existence and questioning your victim. When you question the victim, they will back down. Most people never question that voice inside of them. They just accept it and believe it.
You are competent and capable and when you make the decision to step out of victim mentality and into VICTOR state, things change.
Commit yourself this week to your business like you commit yourself to that which other people want you to do. Dig out that big training manual you have and don’t just learn it but do it.
Do the step by step activities that are given for you to have success. It will make a big difference. If the plan you were given did not really work for you and you need a plan of action go go forward in your business, go here and get a free Simple 5-Step Daily Action Plan to Fire Your Boss and Live Your Dream and a Beginners Marketing Guide with a risk-free system that you can try for 30 days. The support is great and you even get a step by step guide to get it all set up properly. If it’s not a fit for you, get your money back but print out the guides and keep them.
When the victim shows up, talk to them. Do it aloud if you are in a place where you can. Ask questions that start with “How can I…” instead of “I can’t because…”
This message is for me as well as you because I needed it right now. I think we all do from time to time. If you’d like to get more cool stuff on mindset and business, you can get on my newsletter by going HERE, or click on the sign up button on our Fanpage: facebook.com/work.with.btlandy.
Posted by Terri. Leave a comment and share this post if you found value, “What to Do When You Have a Victim Mentality in Your Business”
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